Abusive relationship help
Are You In An Abusive Relationship? Need Help?

Are You In An Abusive Relationship? Need Help?

Hello, there.
How is your new year coming along?

In this article, I’d like to highlight the issue of being in an abusive relationship and not being really sure how to deal with it.

In my first marriage, my then-husband made me believe that everything that went wrong in our relationship was my fault.

Things like:

– How he felt after having a row with someone else at work or in his chambers (he is a Lawyer) – It was my fault because he wasn’t getting on with people – because I somehow annoyed him that morning before he went to work.
– If his car was not washed properly by a boy who lived with us – it was my fault for not teaching him how to wash it properly.
-If he got home and found a piece of paper on the floor in the house -it was my fault because I should have seen it earlier and picked it up before he arrived home, and because I was a bad housewife…
– If he dropped his towel on the floor deliberately, after having a bath, and it was not picked up and put away in the right place quick enough – it was my fault because either I should have either picked it up, or asked one of our house girls to pick it up. And so on and so forth. He was the Lord of the Castle.

The results of his anger – I was often slapped or beaten and dragged on the floor to teach me a lesson!

What did I do in those circumstances?

Well, what could I do? I often cried, begged for forgiveness, cooked him his favourite meals and accepted that women are supposed to be treated like that in Nigeria, by Nigerian men! Right? No, WRONG!!!

I was simply a timid little woman who was afraid of being seen by outsiders in this patriarchal society, as a “failure”, if I were to run away from my matrimonial home and ask for a divorce. So, I stayed in this abusive relationship for 25 years, before I could pluck up the courage to say: “ENOUGH IS ENOUGH”!
My Ex was a bully, using coercive control methods, as well as physical violence (domestic abuse), to keep me under his control. It made our marriage unpalatable to me – but I was a coward who accepted the situation as “normal” for far too long! You don’t have to be like me.

In Britain, however, things are quite different, in the sense that everyone in an abusive relationship can find a way out of it. Unfortunately, women have died or been killed by their partners here in the UK. Statistics show that “two women are killed every week”, by their own partners. That is horrible!

So, what can you do if you have an abusive partner?

  1. Call “Refuge” – find out more about them online -https://www.refuge.org.uk/.

 This is a UK Government’s initiative, and they can help women or men, to safety.

  1. Get yourself prepared – put essential things together in a bag or suitcase – so you can grab it and leave, if necessary, in a jiffy.

  1. Be self-protective – do not allow situations to escalate, so you don’t get beaten up by your partner. Play the “fool” in order to stay safe.

  1. Move out of that house to a relative’s house as soon as you can and get in touch with Refuge if you feel your safety might be compromised.

  2. And anything else you can do to stay safe.

Get Coaching From Me.

If you need help understanding whether or not you are in an abusive relationship, why not book a free coaching session with me?

We will look at your situation carefully. I will be able to guide you on what steps to take to get out of that relationship safely, if that is what you want.


In the meantime, stay safe!