In this article, I will give you a brief rundown on why you need to understand how Couples and Family Therapy works, so you can utilize my Service to get your relationship back, if that is your true desire.
It will also explain the Five Stages of a Relationship which every couple goes through according to Dr Campbell. Understanding these stages may help you realise that you are not alone in your situation, because all couples go through the same stages. The difference between a successful and long-lasting couple and a couple that breaks up within a few years of being together, can be their ability or non-ability to exercise patience, understanding , compassion and love towards each other.
My duty as your Couples Counsellor is to help you recapture that flame and love that first brought you too together.
Couples who thought they were head-over-heels in love previously, may now be finding it very difficult, to even live in the same house. It all has to do with the falsity created by the chemicals that made you both “fall in love”. Nature has a duty to make us procreate, so, falling in love is a necessary step towards procreation.
When two people first get together, they believe they have fallen in love and that that means they are poised to love each other for life, whatever happens. Right? Not necessarily so.
Falling in love is a wonderful feeling, of course. Romantic love is a physical, psychological and emotional experience. It brings endorphins into the brain that makes you feel excited and exhilarated all at once. The feeling is highly addictive and part of the raeson that some people move from relationship to relationships, after it wears off each partner.
The endorphin rush of being in love is joined by other neurotransmitters. They include the love chemicals, like Dopamine, Norepinephrine and Phenylethylamine. When you add the emotional bonding hormone, oxytocin to that, you begin to feel that you and this new person you are now dating, are meant for each other – because you have “bonded”.
According to Dr Susan Campbell’s book: The Couple’s Journey: Intimacy as a Path to Wholeness, there are Five Relationship Stages.
This is the “drug- addiction” or “love-addiction” stage), when everything is fresh, nice and rosy and you and your partner can’t seem to have enough of each other.
Once settled within the realtionship, say, you’ve moved in with your parttner, you abegin to study your partner critically, and start finding faults in him/her. This stage can cause resentment, anger and disappointment, because you are both dealing with the change in chemical influences and seeing, for the first time, the differences in each other. This is the stage that can create the first point of trouble for a new relationship.
If this stage causes problems for a couple and they do not learn the skills to deal with it, one of the following could happen:
1. The couple will break up
2. The stage will be revisited for the ciouple’s entire lives together.
3. The couple will believe that this stage is normal and struggle on, with a gradual decrease in emotional attachment and physical attraction.
Stability is the third stage and often creeps and often creeps upin a relationship. At this point, the couple begins to feel the love again and the frsutrations start to diminish. Accepting your partner’s individuality leads to stability. This helps the couple to renew and strengthen their love for each other.
The fourth Stage is the commitment stage where the couple decide taht thaey are happy with their partner and are happy to give their relationship the effort and the love that it deserves. This can only come when the two partners are happy to accept each other as they are.
This stage is linked to freedom, love, fun and awareness of self along with the awareness and ability to consider the other half of the couple. Ideally, marriage should happen at the comitment stage. If it happens in any of the other stages above, it might be difficult to keep the marriage happy.
Many couples co-create children at this stage, or work together on other ventures, like business, travels, etc.
When asked, many couples who are divorced agree that their relationships broke down due to the following reasons:
1. Infidelity
2. Breakdown in Communication
3. Inability to handle conflicts amicably
4. The other partner being selfish and not helpful with house chores
5. One partner being very abusive – either verbally, physically, emotinally, or financially, etc.
6. Break-down in trust, one or both partners lying to each other.
7. Unrealistic expectations of the other partner – “expecting heaven on earth”, etc.
8. Cruelty – in words and actions
9. Lack of normal sexual activities in the realtionship
10. One partner not coping with their normal duties.
And many more.
TO GET STARTED ON RECOVERING YOUR HAPPY RELATIONSHIP: